CREATIVE CONVERSATIONS 148: BVT ON THE UNHEALED PROJECT AND NOT BEING A FINISHED PRODUCT

Interview by Brooke Gibbs.

FMM: You’ve released Narcissist from your UNHEALED project, so how are you feeling?

BVT: I'm nervous about how it's going to be received because it's the first release from this project.

FMM: I love that you're not just releasing a song. When promoting Narcissist, you posted a reel that highlighted the definition and some of the traits that are seen with that personality disorder. Why did you decide to do this?

BVT: I think it's just important to kind of get the concept out there because I've sort of just announced this project out of nowhere. I've promoted it myself, just only exclusive to Instagram, so basically only my followers are seeing it. And the reason why I did that is to give it more context as to know what a narcissist is. I think that the term is thrown around so lightly these days that it sort of dilutes the experience that people have gone through that have actually been abused by narcissistic people. It's so easy to have a relationship that's gone sour and to just be like, oh, they're a narcissist, because maybe they said something nasty to you or whatever.

But there are common traits that align with that personality disorder. I just also thought it was important to help people understand as well that maybe if these traits align with someone that you're in close proximity with, that maybe you can make a better judgment with how you want that relationship dynamic to look for you.

FMM: I think that's so important because not everyone would be able to recognise that, especially if they're still currently in that situation and haven't gone through their own healing process. So, I love what your music's about - It’s not just creating music, but you’re helping people, educating people and sharing what you've gone through as well.

BVT: Yeah, yeah. I think it's important. I can only really speak from my own experiences. I can imagine as well, just with the power of empathy and all that. But I think at the end of the day, the most genuine product you can put out there is your own experience. And I think that's what people tend to gravitate towards mostly.

FMM: UNHEALED sounds like such a deep and interesting project. When I saw you announce it, I just wanted to learn so much more about it. What really stood out to me was that you pointed out that you're not a finished product, but a lot of people assume that you are. Why is it that you feel like so many people assume that you may have it all together?

BVT: Just based on a few discussions I've had with some people, and some of those people I've also lost friendships with because they've assumed I've become this person who's projected onto a path, like, who's on this trajectory in my career that's…. Like, I'll admit it's. It's way ahead of where I started, thank goodness. But it's also not way ahead of the people that I'm associated with or the people that had a problem with where I'm at now. I think it's just also the idea that in Australia, particularly, we have a tendency to.chop people down as soon as they've reached a certain ceiling. And I think that's very particular if you're a person of colour as well. It’s like the people want to see you win up until a certain point, and that's only a small, small demographic of people.

You know, there's also a large demographic of people who are really loving and supporting of my journey and fans of my work that I'm so appreciative of. But it's almost like I've been put on a pedestal, maybe, or it's almost like as if they think that I've got it together. I don't know. I feel like I'm still human and I'm still at a place where I will bump my head and make mistakes, and I'm still at a place where I'm evolving my craft, you know? I just want people to understand where I started was not where I am now, and where I am now is not where I'm going to be in five years. And that same concept will apply to the people who feel that way towards me. Does that translate?

FMM: Yes, and it's so important because so many people do just see the final products and they don't see all the hardships you've gone through to get there and then pedestal you and then just wait for you to have that moment where you do fuck up or make a mistake.

BVT: Yeah, and I think it's also just looking introspectively at the idea of just being like, hey, guys, we all came from somewhere, we all started somewhere, we're all starting from somewhere. Where I started is still a foundation that I'm trying to spring off today, and I want other people to understand as well for themselves that they're there in that journey as well. Where they were five years ago probably isn't where they are now either. So we're all just kind of like cogs in this machine, trying to do the best we can.

FMM: This project is huge. As you said, it goes back to who you were before you were the BVT that we all know today. How did you know when you were ready to kind of share your story with the world?

BVT: It's a good question. It's a really good question. It's something that I've been on the fence about for a long time. I wasn't sure if I was going to share this with anyone because I think what I wanted to do was make people understand that… And the reason also why I'm making it exclusive to Instagram is because that's where you post your highlight reels. So everyone's always witnessing your highlight reel. And social media is kind of becoming this place where we are avatars of our perfect self. We're put into this place where we're comparing ourselves to each other and it's making us feel like our self-worth is no good. So, I felt like if I showed my more human self, parts of me that are more vulnerable, rawer, touching on stuff that I don't normally talk about with people or in my music, or if I release songs that weren't like my best productions, like before I even knew what I was doing - I feel like if I put that out there in a place that is specified for your highlight reel, that if people witness that, then they'll understand how we can connect more. I think with social media; we're becoming less human. We're becoming less empathic towards each other and there's this disconnect that happens. So, I felt like by taking this step and humanising myself as much as possible and showing everyone my imperfections, my flaws and some dark subjects that linger in my mind, that maybe there's some relatability that could happen and maybe people can kind of chill and be like, oh, okay, great. This isn't a highlight reel. This is just an artist expressing themselves in the most human way possible, and now I have permission to do so. Hopefully it encourages other people to do the same too, because hopefully the more people that do share on Instagram, their stories, the more people are going to do it and just inspires others.

FMM: And as you said, like, this didn't happen overnight. So I first found your music during the Mardi Gras Express Yourself showcase, so I went into your set not knowing what to expect. and I was blown away. I absolutely loved it. Just seeing how you’ve grown from there has been incredible, and you’ve drawn awareness to a lot of topics in terms of culture, sexuality and sex workers. What inspired your growth and where have you found all this confidence?

BVT: I feel I'm just a product of my environment, so the people in the communities that I am connected to are directly going to influence what I'm thinking and feeling. When I go back home and I sit and I meditate on it, then those influences are maybe going to pop up in my music. It's just nature. As for myself, I've always had self-confidence. It's something that's not been easily knocked. Not to say that it hasn't been. It has in certain situations, but I've always had that self-confidence and tenacity and in relationships with my culture, it's always made me look like I'm rebellious or an outcast or something. So, I'm sitting in the gray area between like my motherland's culture and then my fatherland's culture, and there are two opposing forces and I'm in the middle trying to navigate both because I'm perceived as both. If I cross the border into the other land, it kind of gives you a sense of like, well, I don't belong here or there despite either effort or my effort. What I can do is comfortably sit in the middle and gain perspective from both and develop myself as a person and forge my own path forward.

FMM: You mentioned that this project is exclusively to Instagram, so what would it look like? Would it be you releasing those unreleased tracks as reels? What would this project look like for you?

BVT: Yeah, so it's all just going to be posted from my BVT profile. They're going to be sort of reel format. And then I'll have my music releasing simultaneously with visuals. And I'm trying to make a visual concept for all of them, which is ambitious. It's very, very student film, and it's a step away from the high-polished production stuff that I do. I'm a very, very passionate about good visuals. I love a good music video and if you look my catalog, that reputation precedes itself and I've worked with a fantastic team to get those videos produced that way. However, for the UNHEALED project because it's so raw and it's so prickly, you know, I needed the visuals to kind of match whatever was going on sonically. You'll see with Narcissist when you go watch it that it is the more polished version of all the tracks that I'm about to release. I have another one that's coming out that's going to be quite student film, like very, very rough. Then, the one after that - It's going to be darker and a lot more like static. And then the one after that is going to be a bit more like a visual collage of moments. I'm just trying to story tell the best I can. I'm just trying to get it all out before I go back to, being BVT and this polished version of myself.

FMM: Through sharing the stories that made you who you are, you’re going to have to revisit some moments you want to leave behind, so how do you protect your mental health as an artist?

BVT: It's actually really interesting because I'm also an actor. I'm trying to tap into to that part of me. But when I was filming Narcissist, I was like, I have to be this really grotesque kind of character. I have to be this really menacing person. And it was hard, trying to genuinely be that. Trying to genuinely tap into that. And, you know, you're also conscious of when you're being filmed and you have people helping you with this project, how they might perceive you, so you just try to not get in your head too much about that. I'm good at switching off. I'm good at going home and tapping back into reality. Whether it's like, just being very chill and going back to things that ground me. My partner really grounds me, my home environment really grounds me and just knowing there's a degree of separation between myself and the parts of me that I'm trying to portray, just knowing that that separation exists and reminding myself that separation exists really helps. I'll tap back in with you with how that goes the further down this project gets, but I know I'm going to be exploring darker themes, so it's going to be difficult navigating that, but I know I can. But, I'll check in with you how I go with that.

FMM: It sounds like you've got the right things in place, especially if the plan after this UNHEALED project is to switch hats and then go back into the BVT that you are today.

BVT: Yeah, I think it's less like putting this hat on and taking it off. I think it's more like a going through the process of catharsis. I think I'm doing this to finally release that and let it go. This is my process of letting go.

FMM: I love how you described your music, and I'm trying to remember this off the top of my head, so if I get a word wrong, I apologise, but I think it was sexy, horny, wholesome and ancestral. Is that right?

BVT: Hot, horny, healing, wholesome, ancestral.

FMM: Why do you feel those words best represent you?

BVT: Because they do. Those are, I think, the in-short or in an abridged version, that is the summary of my human experience. I do love things that are hot and horny, and I do have songs that are like that. But I'm also a very wholesome human being. I'm very soft on the inside. Hot, horny, wholesome, healing - that came from after the Art Gallery New South Wales gig that I did, which was hands down one of my favourite gigs I did when the Sydney World Pride was happening, but someone came up to me after my set and was like, that was healing. So, like, period, you know, I'm going to take that on and then ancestral, because that's the energy I want to carry with me all the time. When I'm decolonising my own space, my own culture, I want to bring my ancestors with me with their intentions and guidance. That’s how it is.

FMM: The fact that someone just came up to you and told you that your music is healing is a huge compliment to you and your art, so well done. What’s next for you after this project and how can people continue to support you?

BVT: If they're following me on socials, that's a really big help in more ways than one. It also just sort of helps me with when I approach, other, bigger bodies to support my work, because the first question they ask is, how many followers do you have? Which is really annoying but doing that really helps. It also helps them stay up to date with the gigs that I have. Next year for Mardi Gras, I'll be playing for Unicorn’s party, which will be really, really exciting, and I hope everyone comes along and experiences the BVT portal, because that would be really fun.

FMM: Just out of my own curiosity because I really enjoyed the beatboxing videos you posted during lockdown, will any of those sounds make a comeback in your backstory?

BVT: You know, not really. I think I was using beatboxing in some of the production of the tracks that I'm going to release, one in particular, but it’s not super obvious that it's there. You might get a hint of it as like ear candy or whatever. And I think that's what I'm trying to utilise my beatboxing for now from this point forward. I think that journey, that chapter is separate to this entity that I'm exploring at the moment.

FMM: Is there anything else you would like to add?

BVT: Go in with an open mind, please. Go in with the understanding that this is me going back in a time capsule, like 10 years, sometimes more. Go in with the understanding that I'm trying to show you the parts of me that are not my highlight reel, maybe my low light reel sometimes., and I would say if you're sensitive to certain dark themes, then viewer discretion is definitely advised.